Visiting the ocean

I went to the beach today to try to clear my head.  Due to the passing of my father, whom I became very close to over the past few years, I haven’t been doing so well.  I’m getting behind in my work, and I continually want to break down, but I find that I can’t.  I want to cry all the time, but I don’t want to.  I want to stay in bed all day, but I find myself unable.  I keep getting advice from people on “how to grieve”– do what feels right, others will understand, take it easy, and so on.

However,  I don’t think any of this advice is working for me.  I think I will just have to keep walking and talking and thinking and moving, and hope that I am okay.  I don’t feel okay.

I went shopping today, and I wanted to lose it, but I didn’t.  I looked all around me at all of the choices– different vegetables and fruits, varying prices– and I wanted to scream.  I don’t know why, but all of those choices seemed so difficult, I wanted to throw my basket to the ground and stomp out like a little child.  I wanted to throw a temper tantrum.

Instead, I remained calm, I purchased my vegetables and fruit, and I went to the beach.  It raised my spirits a little bit, but the ocean seemed angry– maybe it was me that was angry.  Maybe I’m still angry.

I’ll do my best to put it into my writing, but even I know that I don’t have time to write.  Where does one find time to put the pieces back together, in the midst of such a busy schedule? I guess I’ll figure it out.

In the meantime, keep writing, everyone.

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8 thoughts on “Visiting the ocean

  1. I am sorry for your loss. It is a difficult process to bridge those gaps created by the death of those we love and sometimes you just need to muddle through it and find what works best for you. I send you and your family healing thoughts.

  2. Rosa-I am so sorry for your loss. I will light a candle for your father. Also sending strength to you to help you through this difficult time. Please take care of yourself and allow yourself the time you need to grieve. Work can wait! I’m sure anyone who works with you knows that you are worth waiting for!

    Brightest Blessings.
    Laura

  3. I am so sorry for you loss, Rosa. I am thinking of you and will keep you in my prayers. If you need anything – some healing energy sent your way, a hug via the internet, whatever I can do from my neck of the woods – please let me know.

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